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Hear me out!!

Sitting in the room where I grew up, nothing seems normal as it was an year ago. Tears rolling down the cheeks, heart beating faster than usual. All we can hear is a loss of somebody’s life every moment. Suddenly everything seems to be burning down under the fire. Global Pandemic is a real deal as it seems now.

Talking to self has become a normal habit for everyone, now nobody can pinpoint on it. As we have isolated ourselves not only from the world but also from ourselves. The beliefs are shaken, it doesn’t seem to end, unless not everyone gets hurt by the haunted reality.

Father was paralyzed in 2021 and now going through a will issue too. Keeping myself positive is becoming a task everyday. He don’t want to live, but can that we humans decide? I wish we could. They say god decides everything in this world, so is it true that what’s happening is decided by the Universe? Are we just a mere props in this circus called life?

However it is, it’s beyond understanding of my mind. Feels like my mental health is taking a toll on myself now. Wanna say so much but don’t want to explain. And explain, explain to whom? Who’s not going through a turmoil right now. We all are dwelling in our traumas at the moment.

As in this time I am going through this, I am sure there are people like me who’s going through the same. May be our stories are different, but feelings are same. At least I have a platform to write down my thoughts and feelings. However I am sure there are people who must be shouting in their heads & hearts, so that someone can only listen to them.

I’ve decided to utilize this platform in order to get connected with as many people as I can. As, as humans all we need is someone to listen sometimes. If you’re going through tough times at the moment and want to get your stories published here so that we build a community to support each other. Also, use my Podcast “Lets Talk” to get connected to as real people as I can. I would feel obliged to be connected for the same.

Corona is not only affecting us psychically, it’s denting our mental health too. Let’s stand by each other and not let anybody feel alone.

You can send your stories at tj01041992@gmail.com where we will make sure your identity is kept anonymous if you want it to be. Let’s get connected humanity as this time shall pass too.

G-Talk : Introduction

Okay, I am gonna keep this blog as real as I can, to be honest I have tried writing this first blog since the beginning of my solo travelling journey. But boy o’ boy it’s something or the other thing that stopped me. Sometimes the beginning of the blog that doesn’t make any sense or sometimes the middle part. Finally decided today to write about this one. Cuz I have a short term memory, have lot of memories in life what to do Just got one brain to store everything. Enough of me complaining about the motivation. Let’s get straight to the point. Now this part of the blog will get you some “G-TALK” i.e. “Girl & Guy talks”.

I’ve been always been interested in human emotions and relationships. I wanna talk about relationships. Now you’ll think after being single everybody wants to be a relationship coach. To be honest that’s not the agenda I wanna talk about both the genders without any biasness. To find the core of the problem. To bring the solution. To enlighten others and myself on this journey. Cuz hey I am talking about people who loves love like me.

So if you resonate with this then go ahead and read this blog or just leave the page as it is, got no problem. But whatever the case remember there will be some triggering points for both the genders. Be gracias enough to bear the reality check. Cuz whatever teejay says, it comes from the place of pure love and compassion. But honey! Truth hurts!

Read it up people this is jus a beginning of a blog series where you will read real shit about real people. Real drama, real stories. Learn from this get prepared for you life. Gimme feedbacks, add your stories you would like to share with people. I would love to be your narrator!

Let’s co-create!

The Breakthrough : The Awakening

As I said in my previous blog How do I surrender? : The Awakening how you can you surrender to the Universe. Now today I am gonna talk about the breakthrough. That comes after you surrender without expecting any outcome, hence trusting the path you’re on. This stage would boost your confidence and make you believe in you, more than anyone else. Questions, expectations, drama everything will follow my friend! However after the inner work which I talked in previous blogs, you’ll be able to handle those situation. Remember, the idea is not harm anyone in this process!

You’ll find yourself in a place where everything seems to be against you but there will this inner knowing that you need to find your own paradigm. To find it or to build on. Choice is yours! Cuz once it starts there is no going back. You would found yourself standing at the crossroads. It would sound like a beat of the Universe. That’s asking you to move towards this unknown path. Where there are endless opportunities. If rewards will be great, so is the smart work. So be ready for next chapter of your life. You’re are experiencing transition. The breakthrough comes with it in the package. You can’t skip this song!

This is the time when you decide to move towards the things that you always wanted to do. May be you wanna switch your current job, move to a different city, get married, go back live with your family after you spend years alone in a different city, break up, patch up, start your own business, go travel but go ahead and do that. Don’t just sit there and be the victim of your own mentality build something for yourself, build your community, build your family, build your company. Just fucking do it!! And it doesn’t just mean quit your fucking job without any plan and sit there. Instead apply for a promotion, plan a family, take your parents on a trip, mend broken relationships with your family members, go propose that girl! And yess! drink lot of water!

Universe doesn’t ask you to be stuck in your misery, instead it ask you to be productive. Be it in your inner world or your outer. Sitting in stillness and solving your inner turmoil is as important as going for a work. We are made different Some find their peace in work, some in family, some in relationship, some in friendship, some in solitude. But we all are growing and glowing everyday. Don’t complain about the time this process is taking. We all are on different timelines. So if you think someone is ahead in their journey and that makes you anxious about yours. Look for those trigger points and work on them, understand we all are here with hidden talents, we do things in different ways, if someone excel in something you wanna do should not trigger you instead learn from each other, add value. You might be great in something that they suck at Get inspired by each other and add value to each other’s journey. That’s what we are here for.

Humanity is moving towards the next level of expansion and evolution. There is this sense of awareness in the air. Start noticing what people talk about, know more of each other. Think out of the box. Just don’t be stuck in the old burdens of your limited beliefs. It’s a massive spiritual awakening. All those superficial belief systems we had, are falling down. False masks of people are falling off. Humans are changing their ways of doing things, understanding things, feeling things. Now we talk about vibrations and energy. A sudden wave of change I can smell in the air. Nobody wants any motivation anymore. Everybody is up with the plans in their minds. It’s just a leap of faith that Universe is seeking from each one of us. Connect with each other and let’s co-create humanity again!

Here I end my process of awakening.

Remember there is enough for everyone on this planet. We need not to fight the fight and feel helpless anymore. One door close another one opens. Patience are required. Inner work is required. Understanding the spiritual breakthrough is a long process.

Spiritual Breakthrough, I will be walking you in my next series. Till than be present in the present moment, stop for a while and ask this to yourself. “Am I ready?” and then go for it!

We all are on a journey towards home!

To be somewhere, you gotta move from somewhere!

teejaysays

How do I surrender? : The Awakening

If you have read my previous blogs about Dark night of the soul and the coping mechanisms. You will be aware of all the changes happening with you at the moment. In this blog I will be talking about the ride that you’re on now and what all changes you’ll be noticing in it Cause its not gonna be as easy it seems. Don’t panic my friend, take baby steps. don’t rush the process. As I said earlier, its a process to unlearn and learn everything.

REALISATION

The first instinct that comes in your mind that nothing is wrong with me, and whatever I am feeling is just a part of my journey. Takes you with different lessons over again and again until you understand and learn it. These are the unspoken desires that your soul crave for and is to ready to experience now. Learning is an ongoing process, so are the realizations that you would be experiencing time to time.

EGO DEATH

Ego death would be the first step that will demolish while starting your journey. Many people find it the most difficult as change is not as easy we think it is. Ego will always stop you from being yourself. The true authentic self, the version who’s dying to come out of your body and soul. Things that satisfy our physical body will start fading away from your life. The things that gave you this immense pleasure once will not have any interest anymore. The places once gave you this amazing vibe will no longer resonate with you. The relationships you once thought were for you. will start to fade away. Suddenly the life you been thinking that you were living will be meaningless.

JUDGEMENT

All of sudden the judgement you have and had for anybody will be gone. You will start feeling others reasons and behaviors behind their actions. Which apparently means less judgment, more acceptance. The moment the judgement is gone out of the picture, we began to see the reality with open eyes. Practicing no judgement starts from your inner circle itself. Next time when you sit with your relatives, friends and family. Go with an open mind without judging them on their behaviors. It’s a daily practice, fit in your coding.

ACCEPTANCE

After you stop judging people there comes the next feeling that you need to master is acceptance. The moment you start accepting the people the way they are. You would notice this strong feeling of being in control of your emotions. It will be difficult for people to make you bother with their shit anymore. Also, a sense of accepting your own toxic patterns and behaviors. The process is to accept your own emotions, your own feelings, your well being. Acceptance doesn’t mean being stuck in a toxic environment, with a victim mentality. Acceptance to accept that you’re responsible only for your own actions. And in order to walk the path, you gotta make those needed changes in your own life.

ATTACHMENT

Any attachment with a thing, place or people often lead to the path of painful endings. Practicing detachment could lead to a fulfilling life. Which comes after we accept the reality of our life the way it is. That relationship didn’t work out, ,may be it was meant to be. A job that you fuckin hate, was meant to be replaced by something else. We create our own maze of different level of attachments by ourselves. By any means if something doesn’t work out than we immediately fall in the trap of disappointment.

SURRENDER

Let go! However easily we say these words, but actually doing this wouldn’t be that easy. We often find ourselves saying this. “Had a bad relationship”, “let it go man!” “Had bad results in exam”, “let it go this time, perform better next time!” “the food wasn’t as great as the expectation”, “let it be”. These are some add scenarios in life that we find ourselves in. However it comes to practicing it in real, are we capable of doing that. Ask that question to yourself, and you’ll get your answer. The question that you have in your mind right now. “How do I surrender”. Is as simple as the water flows through the mountains. Or the breeze hit your face and moving through your hair.

Didn’t get it? Lemme explain a lil more. Surrendering is a feeling of accepting everything with a realization of your ego and than killing it with no judgement of thy selves and for others. By accepting self awareness and other’s ignorance without harming any being on this planet. Leaving behind the attachment to the superficial expectations and finally releasing all the burdens off your shoulder and surrendering to the Universe.

teejaysays

And let it work the magic! And remember! Miracles happens to those who believes in it!

Dark night of the soul: The coping mechanisms!

In my previous blog “Dark night of the soul” I described the symptoms about being in the second stage of the spiritual awakening. This stage can take a lot of time as you are fighting your own demons. And when I talk about demons, it doesn’t mean an actual demon. It means the ways that no longer serve you like ego, greed, pride, jealousy, shame, pity any trait that are low vibrational.

In order to deal with these traits one must surrender to the divine and it’s power, seeking truth in these superficial things. Finding peace with your inner turmoil. For me accepting the fact that I lost everything was the toughest part. I couldn’t handle the things that were happening around me. The places that gave me peace and happiness started eating me from inside.

I remember crying in the nights and literally getting angry on the Universe for this sadness, anger and frustration. When I thought everything just ended and my failure in work, relationship and family dynamics. I started doubting the whole “everything happens for a good” theory. So below are the few points that helped me in getting out of this feeling of unworthiness.

ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance is the first step in everything that you do in your life. Be it accepting a failed relationship, or a failed job, or anything that you are feeling failed at. To recognizing that it’s not always in our hands is really important. It gives you the power to acknowledge sometimes things are just not meant to be. No matter how hard you fight the fight sometimes its just not meant to be. Give yourself that benefit of doubt and take your time to purge your emotions. This feeling is really easy to talk about but I can feel how much it takes to really accept something you would never wanna. However take a deep breath my friend and keep your hand on your chest and say “I am accepting everything and everyone around me the way it is, I no longer want to fight myself”. Release ifs and buts, put on some kickass music and dance like nobody’s watching. I might sound crazy right now, but trust me it’s the beginning of the victory towards your hardest battle i.e. LIFE. And I call it a victory dance, that the warriors do before leaving for a war.

PURGE YOUR EMOTIONS

The moment you accept the life the way it is, the next comes recognizing your emotions and yourself the way it is. The thing one needs to do is to purge the emotions. The idea of purging means to get Intune with your emotions. Any emotion that hurts your emotional body. The shame, humiliations, anger, pity etc. to flush out of your system. In today’s world where we are taught to be strong and not be vulnerable, we often start suppressing our own emotions. Which pile on for years and cause more unhealed trauma. Cry!! Cry if you want to, shout, let the Universe know that you want these emotions out of your system. That you no longer wanna feel miserable in your life. Trust me with each tear flushing out of your system will give you a sense of relief. The tears are not the sign of weakness but are pearls made up of water coming out of your eyes. With each tear say the emotions you are purging like “I release my pain, I release the shame, I release my failure”. It will help you in releasing the pain, that you carrying since months or for some for years!

REFLECT YOUR PATTERNS

Do you remember how we used to sit for exams in our schools so that we can review our growth for that academic year. Similarly, reflecting on your life patterns are really important. One must be aware of the life she/he are living on this planet. For me the lack of understanding the boundaries, self doubts and people pleasing were the most hardest thing to heal. To be honest, I am still not at the best place where I would like to be. I still sell myself short on my self worth, I still happen to go out of my way to do the same for people and end up hurting myself time to time. However to fix the problem one should know what is the problem. So start connecting the dots and find your repetitive patterns and work on it. Are you too available for people who aren’t there for you? Are you in toxic relationships where there is no equal give and take? or you put lot of self doubts, identity crises, self sabotage are some more example for your own toxicity.

It’s not always someone else who’s gonna be toxic for you or you can put blame on. One needs to understand that we all are toxic somewhere in someone’s story. To understand your own toxic patterns will not only help you in order to grow but will be a great habit that you can teach others around too. Don’t forget life if a marathon, not a race! Nothing will be done in a day or two. So purge on your own pace!

SELF TALK

Now this is something that really helped me while I was going through my dark night of the soul. I was in my solitude in a city which was unknown to me. All I had was me there to hold me when I was on this roller-costar ride. Remember how you talk to self is the most important part of this journey. I always say “you came alone, you eat alone, you cry alone, you shit alone and one day you’ll die alone”. So why not have self confrontations and self pep talks with yourself. Who are we answerable to in this world more then ourselves. That one person who is always there to be with you is the person you see in the mirror everyday. Talk to yourself be there for yourself. 15 mins of self talk with myself everyday in the morning really helps me go through my day. Start this practice and see how it changes your thoughts too.

Be mindful of your thoughts and talk you do to your self. Human mind has the power to create the reality based on our thoughts. Turn everything negative into positive. Appreciate the beauty you are born with inside out. Say five positive affirmations about yourself everyday and see them manifesting in your reality!

CHANGE

Above all we talked about how you need to handle this stage now come the real deal “The CHANGE”. Change in your belief system, change in your thoughts, change in your life. The more one is Intune with their inner chaos, the more one can fix the outer chaos. Change is the constant law of nature. The more one resist it, the more you tend to dwell in negativity. Start small, Rome was not built in a day. So is your inner self would not change in a day or two. It’s gonna take time. However accepting your flaws will give you the power to change.

These were the few steps that took me months to accept myself in my spiritual journey and I am still working on. I hope it gave you some insights how you can work on yours. This is just the second stage however it takes the maximum time in order to move forward towards the enlightenment. So my friend, don’t try to rush any process instead embrace yourself the way you are. There is no deadline for this project, this is a real life. No matter how many times you fail you can always restart it. For anything else I am here to guide you through it!

Do share your thoughts and stories about this stage!

Dark night of the soul

In my previous blog “The Awakening” I talked about how my spiritual awakening started and how my whole life changed in couple of years. With each blog I’ll be taking you through a journey which you might be walking on currently without even realizing.

Awakening is your first stage which takes you on this incredible journey of self love & mastery in life. However as I stated in my previous blog, it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna destroy you into pieces and build on the best version of yourself. So if you decided to take on this journey, then I am rooting for you here. On that note today I am gonna discuss about the second stage and i.e. is “The dark night of the soul”.

As the name suggests this stage is quite tough and we often find ourselves in between lot of darkness and pain. It begins after a significant event happening in your life. It could be a loss of a loved one, a breakup of a marriage or a long term partnership, or a diagnosis of a life threatening disease, an accident anything that crumbles your life and push you forward towards the unknown. The effect of anything breaking off your life would be very disturbing and would feel like a betrayal from the Universe. Not only you’ll be questioning the Universe but also, everything surrounding you at the moment.

You would feel that everything you had till now was a myth. Anything not serving in your growth would be cut off automatically. Toxic behaviors of friends & family would rise up. You’ll be noticing that once the people who really mattered, didn’t care anymore. Toxicity would surface around everywhere. The job you felt so secure in would start feeling like a burden, it’s like there is a void that needs to be fulfilled. You would wanna run away from everything. You would wanna start off everything all over again. It feels deep and dark.

It’s your soul that’s ready for growth and to be awaken to it’s full potential. Unlike depression here you question your existence, existence in this 3D world. “Who am I?”, “Why am I here?”, “What is the purpose of this life that I am living”, “Why everything that mattered once, has stopped giving me the joy?”, “Am I getting mad?”, “Why am I so helpless?” these are the few questions that would rise up time to time. Not only mentally it’ll be physically exhausting too. Disturbed sleep patterns, low apatite, once your comfort food won’t provide you that comfort anymore.

Not feeling good enough psychically and mentally are common while going through the dark night of the soul. If you’re exhausted and questioning your existence, then my friend you’re on the right track. Some people describes the Dark night of the soul as a spiritual crises. aka a spiritual depression or existential crises. It’s often confused as clinical depression and with good reason as it mimics all the symptoms of depression. Ummm but hey my friend don’t worry unlike mental depression this is a depression of your soul. Its a beginning of everything you ever wanted, your desires, the beginning of the summer of your life.

In simple words, it feels like a caterpillar getting ready in the cocoon to be the butterfly. So, don’t worry if it feels lonely right now. I am here to guide you on this journey, to make it little easier for you. In my next blog I’ll be talking about, how to deal with the “Dark night of the soul”. Until then keep hanging there cuz you’re on a ride. A ride towards being the best version of yourself!

The Awakening!

2018, the year when my world started crumbling down. The materialistic world I built on, the love that I thought would be my forever, the friends I thought are my real people, family whom I never questioned. Who knew it was just the starting of my journey for something bigger. The soul “PURPOSE”!

Synchronicities of life lessons, patterns of my toxic behavior, the incompetency of my life started popping right in front of me. The failures started showing big time, humiliations, shame, intolerance to self and others, tears, misery and what not, dark night of the soul just started. Clueless of this new journey I intentionally or unintentionally was put on. Everything around seemed meaning less, full of deceit & deception.

False masks of people and my own ego started falling off. Materialistic things that once gave me the utmost happiness started loosing its charm. My partner of 7 years whom I thought I would be marrying felt like a stranger again. The friends with whom I went out every weekend were nowhere to be found in my real life anymore. The family, whom I was building this materialistic life for, started questioning my intentions. “What is happening?”, “Why me?”, “I can’t take it”, “Am I going crazy?” these were my question to self every night.

Spiritual journey is a journey that every individual go through once in a life. Most of the people doesn’t take this call when this opportunity knocks at their door, they close it off and keep on living their life in this 3D matrix. Why would they even, cuz its not for a weak heart. Awakening will never be easy! It’s an ongoing process of unlearning and learning everyday! It’s a process of destroying everything you knew once, to find out the truth again! It’s a death of an ego to surrender to the power of Divine! It’s the magic that happens after the dark night of the soul! It’s a rainbow after a hurricane that destroy your soul into pieces! It’s the mastery of your full potential after experiencing the misery of life!

The people who dares to question this world, who are curious to know more will take on this journey. So if you are still reading my blog till here. Let me warn you, there might be some things that you might not like, it might be against your belief systems, or I might sound insane to you. However I am sure there are people like us who are looking for this information. Just like once I did.

So if you are still hooked, I would be taking you through this journey with me where we will understand what spiritual awakening is and why it is important to be on one. Remember it is an ongoing process of the unknown. Once you start awakening, you wont be able to go back to sleep again. This matrix feeds on your energy of fear, delusion and insecurities. It will never let you understand your full potential as a human until you dare to take this path.

Humans are here to live a life, to love, to flourish, to nurture the nature, to live in unity. Instead what we are taught since a young age is to run in a rat race. A race which nobody knows where it’s heading. Whom we have to prove our abilities to. Where will this materialistic life go once we die. Ahhh, my questions are unlimited, so is me, so are my words.

I don’t want to hide who I am anymore. For lot of people I am a psycho, I am a weirdo, I am crazy. But for the Universe that I live in, loves my energy, it’s full of stars and galaxies, there is love, healing, there equality, there’s vulnerability.

No matter what stage of awakening you are going through remember your soul is growing. Don’t give up cuz in the end it will all be worth it. You are the UNIVERSE! You are the CREATOR! You are the MAGIC!

To know the “PURPOSE”, you gotta find one!

Why “Toxic Positivity” is a harmful trend!

Alright!! Today I am gonna talk about something that I have dealt from time to time and I am sure a lot of us are dealing with it right now considering the circumstances that we are in today’s world.

“Good vibes only!”, “Fake it till you make it!”, “Don’t worry be happy!” are some of the most common phrases that we use in our day to day life. Not only we have created a façade around this positive mindset. Also, it has literally made everything so plastic. Grieve, pain, unhappiness, sorrow are just not synonyms, they are actual human emotions that we go through time to time.

Then why this fake ass toxicity around this half hearted happiness. In today’s world where we count money as the biggest happiness, I see people go insecure looking at each other’s perfect social media life. Honestly, I have done that too, there were times when I was breaking from inside with that smile on the face & sorrow in the eyes. Whom are we fooling at the end? I mean travelling in that Mercedes didn’t give me that happiness that I get now in my i10 when I drive it. That diamond ring on finger or those vacations in every 15 days couldn’t make me happy at all. But for the world it was all perfect. I had an amazing life, the Instagram was lit AF. All those “spread positivity” kind of captions on my pictures, ahhh!! I am ashamed. 

Being a survivor of an "acute suicidal ideation disorder" as a teenager. I started noticing the same pattern in my behavior. Those panic attacks were swirling back into my life again. That's when I decided to not be the victim of this toxic positivity and get back onto the track again. Today I feel I have never been in such a peace but when I post anything on my social media people start assuming that I am going through some shit. But no, I now have the guts to express who I am. Today, I have the luxury of mental peace!

Today we all are stuck in the situation that we never thought that we would be in. People are dying, you cant meet or greet your loved ones, every family is going through some deep shit. Still I see on social media bright smiles & empty eyes. But nobody talks about it. Like if you share that you’re going through something, you’ll be boycotted or considered as needy!

But yeah one thing I must applaud, are the trends around mental health, suddenly everybody start jumping on the bandwagon and spread awareness about mental health. Legit, the people who doesn’t even have time to ask their own friends or family about their whereabouts when they need you in real life, becomes life coaches. Giving positive speeches & sharing information around positive mindset.

I am not here to spread negativity, all I want people to understand that this trend of “toxic positivity” is making us more helpless. People are ashamed of feeling their emotions nowadays. Cause they fear their friends would not like them or their parents wont understand. Or it would not look good on the gram.

Damn, can we please take off these fake masks and be real for once? You can lie to everybody in this world but what about that one person, who can’t sleep in the nights? Who gets panic or anxiety attacks when they’re alone? Who burst into tears time to time. And that person is “YOU”. You can betray anybody in this world but when you start betraying yourself that’s when you start losing yourself.

I really want the young generation to understand that being vulnerable is not being sissy. Instead, it’s a sign of being a strong individual. It takes guts to show emotions to the world. In the world where all we were taught was to suppress our emotions, coming out and being vulnerable is sign of a Braveheart. The help is available in every shape and form and I don’t wanna give lecture on that.

At the end all I wanna say is don’t be so artificial that you stop feeling your own emotions. End this toxic positivity trend and let people be real humans. Who laugh, love & cry too!

Ask for help if you’re are not feeling good. It’s not just about “good vibes only”, its about “feeling the vibes!”

This blog is an open discussion. Go ahead and share your opinion in the comment section below! Let’s learn and unlearn anything that’s toxic for our mental health.

Help is available!

Is “hookup culture” killing “love”?

Being a millennial we had a chance of witnessing both the eras, the before internet and a new age world. Wherein the humanity has never been so evolved in the history in terms of living standards however in terms of love, we’ve never been so depressed. Does this new age world has lost the significance of such a basic yet so important aspect of our lives? Is speed dating or as the gen Z says “casual dating/hookup culture” destroying the idea of love in today’s life?

Back in the days while growing up dating was something that took lot of efforts from both the parties involved. Just an eye contact with your beloved gave those butterflies in the stomach. Those compliments made us blush eye to eye. The excitement of first dates, and if you touched each other by a stance woahhh!! the emotions ran crazily down the spine. Those chills were magnificent. Ahh!! those were the days. I still get goosebumps imagining my first such encounter!! hehe

Being on the later side of the 20s, looking for something real solid in this today’s world has become a dream that I saw when I was a little girl. Honestly, I miss efforts, commitment and consistency. In today’s world where websites like tinder and bumble has become our go to sites to visit when we are looking for some fun, has killed the idea of romance. Trust me I am not here to complaint but damnnn, I am old school, what to do. So I decided to write this blog to express my views on this trend called “Speed dating/hookup culture”.

Availability of Hookup sites.

The new age romance does not only seems to be shallow moreover it has killed the whole vibe of being in love. The availability of these sites and sex being so easily available has killed the romance behind the sacred feeling of love. So, if you have a fight with your partner now, you wont wanna fix it instead you would login to these sites and avail your options as soon as possible. Or just for fun you would login there and meet random people and hook up. Cause hey, momentary pleasures has taken over the real feels.

Intolerance to emotional needs.

As conversations has turned into texting/phone calls wherein real emotions cant be seen or felt. Social media being an instant fix for mood swings, just visit your favorite app and forget about your worries. Anger turns into ghosting, not respecting other people’s time and emotions hence no confrontation whatsoever. We are in the era of likes and followers but we literally forgot how does it feels to hold a real conversations in this superficial world. Even if someone wants to talk about their real emotions, that person is called as “needy” or “an emotional wreak”. And, Yeahhhh!! Who likes to be around such people! it’s so not cool right!!

Constant need of validation.

Be it about looking for a perfect match or being the picture perfect in our selfies. The constant need of validation to be desirable has made this generation miss the basic point. You don’t need 10 people after you to feel desirable. One person who can love in you in million ways should be enough to be happy. I remember being in a coffee shop BC (Before Corona) times. Two young cheerful girls talking about how many men were texting them and how this Shreya girl had 4 guys for different purposes and how she felt like a queen. I mean c’mon you don’t multiple men & women to feel validated as a desirable human. The essence of desirability has lost its meaning.

Trend of friends with benefits

I would sound hypocrite if I say I wasn’t a part of this trend. Just like all of us even I availed these benefits time to time too. However after following this trend for a while I realized how shallow I started feeling after hooking up with someone over a period of time. How my garden of love felt dreadful after these half ass intimacy on the physical level. I started getting panic attacks, wherein for a while I felt desirable in the moment and later it gave me this uncanny feeling of remorse and disgust. Not only made me feel like an object, also I started doubting my own divine femininity. I still remember being in Bangalore and having a meltdown wherein I cried the whole night calling myself names. That was the time when I questioned my ways and realized this was not me. I was not enjoying this momentary feeling anymore and there was an urge to find something rock solid.

The Exchange of sexual energies brought more trauma in my body and life. The moment you share a physical intimacy with someone you not only share those body fluids, you exchange energies too. I started noticing the drainage of my own energies. That how unknowingly I was absorbing other people’s traumas and unhealed energies. Being an awakened soul I can very well differentiate between my own energies and other’s. This lead me to cut off this new age crap out of my programming and get back to my own truth.

Love is a scared feeling where two soul combine and grow together. This merge of two bodies & soul is not only sacred but also the most divine feeling a human can experience. If there is road block in the journey overcome it together, rather jumping off the cliff to get saved in someone else’s arms. Give each other time and space and figure out a solution. As they say sometimes you loose diamonds in search of stones. Everything that shimmers isn’t gold!

This blog is not to judge anyone on their personal choices. The people who know me would know that being judgmental is not my style. However, talking about the emotional trauma people are going through because of this hook culture is dangerous. There are still people of any age who still believes in love and commitments. However one bad experience crush them to the core and they develop emotional traumas around love. They start untrusting everything that has been taught to us about love. Which I find the really sad!!

I really can’t tell you what will work for you or not, cause hey! everybody is different and you know what works best for you. So I’ll leave this blog as an open discussion for everyone out there. Feel free to choose your side in the comment section below and enlighten me with your views. As for me there is always a room for learning!!

Signs you’re in a Toxic Relationship!

Let’s talk about something really common yet something we all make ourselves a part of it knowingly or unknowingly. Toxic relationships. What’s a toxic relationship and how do you recognize it? Cause at some point in our lives we all went through it and if I am writing about this topic then lemme tell you girl, I have been in one.

To be honest, no matter how easy it seems to be talking about it right now however when you are in one relationship like that you don’t even realize it. So here I come up with my guide to figure out if you’re in a toxic relationship and how to get out of it.

1. Understanding what is a “TOXIC RELATIONSHIP”

As the word define itself “Toxic” is poisonous. Now you’ll say that in your mind, “Ahhh!! I know the fucking meaning of it woman!!!” But what I wanna convey here is no matter how well we know the meaning in the dictionary sometimes understanding real shit, it takes time brother! Being in a toxic relationship will seem like you being in a perfect relationship from the outside but it breaks you from inside brick by brick. Something that makes you more aggravated than happy & content. So ask that question to yourself, “Are you REALLY happy in that relationship?”

2. The Red Flags!

Well, as they say to solve a problem you gotta know the problem. So in this point one will discover what exactly this fuss is about. Now we gonna talk about some of the red flags that you can use to recognize the misery you are in.

  • Every discussion turns out in a big fat fight. Well, it’s just not about fights its more about being so mean to each other that there is no reason but still you’re fighting.
  • You start humiliating each other infront of your close ones. Now this is not cool but we tend to do such things, as humans our rage emotion tends to fired up.
  • You start finding faults in each other’s existence. To be honest, it’s more like a fault in our stars. Ahh, jus kidding!
  • Both the partners starts lying about their whereabouts. Well honestly I personally hate this to the core. Say the fucking truth, I don’t understand this shit. Yes!! it will hurt but at least I wont be more hurt when I’ll know the truth. #smh
  • You start discussing your problems with others and not with your partner. What can be more harmful then this. As it’s a relationship not a party, that others gets the tea in between.
  • Physical & verbal abuse. My mum taught this when we were young. Taking or giving back the abuse to the abuser or the victim is not cool at all. The relationship gets over the day you start abusing each other in any form. I mean c’mon how can you abuse someone if you love them. That’s an absolute blunder.

3) Recognizing the signs, still can’t get out of the vicious circle.

Honestly, somewhere we all understand the basics of a broken relationship but we can’t get out of it. It happens, it took me years to understand how toxic we became for each other before taking the step to move on with our own soul journeys. But hey, you gotta take that step otherwise you’ll be stuck there forever and it will break you to the core. Not only you’ll start questioning this divine feeling of love but also the intention of any other human that’ll genuinely care for you. But my friend you gotta break the chain.

4) The Talk.

Now this is the most hardest part, cause you don’t wanna hurt the person you spent your years with. That one person who was there in your ups and downs. I get it! I get it! but it gotta end my friend. Otherwise you’ll make it so dirty that in future all you’ll be left with is the toxicity generated in your heart and soul. Sit with your partner and talk to them. Communicate your inner self infornt of them. No matter how hard it seems but trust the process. Remember that this is the same person with whom you discussed the world with. Don’t underestimate the power of confrontation.

5) The Breakthrough

So my friend if you reached to this point that means you are on the right path but let me warn you after all this chaos the real shit begins. A toxic relationship leaves you with this emptiness that will pinch you again to get back with the same person as you’re used to abuse. You gonna miss them, you’ll feel like talking to them and sort it out. Cause hey! It’s love at the end. That person mattered to you once and who’s prepared for this. However, this is the real test that you gotta go through. The real test to respect yourself enough to not go back in the same viscous cycle. There will be days when you’ll be extremely happy that you’re out of it, and there will be days when you wanna run back to the same person cause they felt familiar. Listen, if you cross this stage you’ll be much more happier in your life. Just trust the process mate!!

6) HEALING

Healing, as the name sounds so healing, it’s not at all. It feels like you’re burnt down to the core and you gotta rise back again like a phoenix. Unlearn everything and learn everything again. Facing all your daemons and punching them right in the face. Give time to yourself, meet yourself again. Find your hobbies, confined in your friends. Go out my friend you’re single again!!! HUNT!!!

7) Never stop believing in love!

Love is the most happening thing that Universe could bless us with. Surely it hurts, but the right one will come and give you exactly what you need. You don’t have to beg or explain love to this person. They’ll show you what it means.

Anybody can be toxic in a relationship that doesn’t mean that person is bad. It’s just the circumstances that makes it worst for us. Remember it takes two hands to clap. Don’t be a dickhead and just blame and shame your partner. Instead just forgive. Forgive them, forgive yourself and move on with your life. We all are toxic in someone’s story. Just like god is right now in this Corona times. People who are losing loved ones are cursing god and people are getting saved they are full of gratitude. So don’t be afraid to accept the reality and move the fuck off in your life!!

If this helped you! Don’t forget to share your stories with me.

Till than Happy Healing!!!