Is “hookup culture” killing “love”?


Being a millennial we had a chance of witnessing both the eras, the before internet and a new age world. Wherein the humanity has never been so evolved in the history in terms of living standards however in terms of love, we’ve never been so depressed. Does this new age world has lost the significance of such a basic yet so important aspect of our lives? Is speed dating or as the gen Z says “casual dating/hookup culture” destroying the idea of love in today’s life?

Back in the days while growing up dating was something that took lot of efforts from both the parties involved. Just an eye contact with your beloved gave those butterflies in the stomach. Those compliments made us blush eye to eye. The excitement of first dates, and if you touched each other by a stance woahhh!! the emotions ran crazily down the spine. Those chills were magnificent. Ahh!! those were the days. I still get goosebumps imagining my first such encounter!! hehe

Being on the later side of the 20s, looking for something real solid in this today’s world has become a dream that I saw when I was a little girl. Honestly, I miss efforts, commitment and consistency. In today’s world where websites like tinder and bumble has become our go to sites to visit when we are looking for some fun, has killed the idea of romance. Trust me I am not here to complaint but damnnn, I am old school, what to do. So I decided to write this blog to express my views on this trend called “Speed dating/hookup culture”.

Availability of Hookup sites.

The new age romance does not only seems to be shallow moreover it has killed the whole vibe of being in love. The availability of these sites and sex being so easily available has killed the romance behind the sacred feeling of love. So, if you have a fight with your partner now, you wont wanna fix it instead you would login to these sites and avail your options as soon as possible. Or just for fun you would login there and meet random people and hook up. Cause hey, momentary pleasures has taken over the real feels.

Intolerance to emotional needs.

As conversations has turned into texting/phone calls wherein real emotions cant be seen or felt. Social media being an instant fix for mood swings, just visit your favorite app and forget about your worries. Anger turns into ghosting, not respecting other people’s time and emotions hence no confrontation whatsoever. We are in the era of likes and followers but we literally forgot how does it feels to hold a real conversations in this superficial world. Even if someone wants to talk about their real emotions, that person is called as “needy” or “an emotional wreak”. And, Yeahhhh!! Who likes to be around such people! it’s so not cool right!!

Constant need of validation.

Be it about looking for a perfect match or being the picture perfect in our selfies. The constant need of validation to be desirable has made this generation miss the basic point. You don’t need 10 people after you to feel desirable. One person who can love in you in million ways should be enough to be happy. I remember being in a coffee shop BC (Before Corona) times. Two young cheerful girls talking about how many men were texting them and how this Shreya girl had 4 guys for different purposes and how she felt like a queen. I mean c’mon you don’t multiple men & women to feel validated as a desirable human. The essence of desirability has lost its meaning.

Trend of friends with benefits

I would sound hypocrite if I say I wasn’t a part of this trend. Just like all of us even I availed these benefits time to time too. However after following this trend for a while I realized how shallow I started feeling after hooking up with someone over a period of time. How my garden of love felt dreadful after these half ass intimacy on the physical level. I started getting panic attacks, wherein for a while I felt desirable in the moment and later it gave me this uncanny feeling of remorse and disgust. Not only made me feel like an object, also I started doubting my own divine femininity. I still remember being in Bangalore and having a meltdown wherein I cried the whole night calling myself names. That was the time when I questioned my ways and realized this was not me. I was not enjoying this momentary feeling anymore and there was an urge to find something rock solid.

The Exchange of sexual energies brought more trauma in my body and life. The moment you share a physical intimacy with someone you not only share those body fluids, you exchange energies too. I started noticing the drainage of my own energies. That how unknowingly I was absorbing other people’s traumas and unhealed energies. Being an awakened soul I can very well differentiate between my own energies and other’s. This lead me to cut off this new age crap out of my programming and get back to my own truth.

Love is a scared feeling where two soul combine and grow together. This merge of two bodies & soul is not only sacred but also the most divine feeling a human can experience. If there is road block in the journey overcome it together, rather jumping off the cliff to get saved in someone else’s arms. Give each other time and space and figure out a solution. As they say sometimes you loose diamonds in search of stones. Everything that shimmers isn’t gold!

This blog is not to judge anyone on their personal choices. The people who know me would know that being judgmental is not my style. However, talking about the emotional trauma people are going through because of this hook culture is dangerous. There are still people of any age who still believes in love and commitments. However one bad experience crush them to the core and they develop emotional traumas around love. They start untrusting everything that has been taught to us about love. Which I find the really sad!!

I really can’t tell you what will work for you or not, cause hey! everybody is different and you know what works best for you. So I’ll leave this blog as an open discussion for everyone out there. Feel free to choose your side in the comment section below and enlighten me with your views. As for me there is always a room for learning!!

By teejaysays

Together we unite, let love guide you through!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.