Flawlessly Flawed.

So I am the second child out of my parents four diamonds they gave birth to. LOL.

Well, that’s what I would like to believe too, though mum would totally differ to me on this one. Anyway, mum’s not on the digital world, so I got saved for that matter. I was always a child who was still under the shadow of my pretty and all-rounder elder sister. My dad loves my elder sister more than his life. In school she was famous, and when I said she was outstanding, I mean it.

She was an athlete and always won medals for it. She participated in sports, dance, music, the debates you name it, and she was there not only engaging, but she nailed those competitions always. On the other hand me, the lazy bum, who hated studying, couldn’t play a sport as I hated losing, and I always used to lose only. I was an average student, with a speech problem, with which I still struggle. It’s not major neither I ever got it checked by a specialist, but I am aware of the flaw.

Till today I practice a sentence in my head before I could say it at a prominent place. My friends say they love my confidence but it didn’t come overnight. I had my own struggles with myself. Sometimes it was about weight, sometimes height, sometimes speech, occasionally the cut marks on the left hand, so on and so forth.

But one thing that always surprised me was the friends and the people around how they saw me. People didn’t see or emphasised on the flaws that I could see in me. They saw a confident girl, but I saw a flawed one. Being overweight always made me anxious about my appearance, but I got praised for rocking a dress which people think “the overweight” people should avoid.

I still remember the day when I was standing in front of the mirror crying, hitting my stomach and saying all the nasty stuff to myself. That night I cried and cried as if somebody died. But the next morning, I woke up and saw myself again in the mirror with my swelled eyes and asked myself a few questions.

“Why you think you cannot?”

“If you don’t love yourself, why do you think others would?”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Why you being so negative about yourself?”

I sat down in my room sipping on my coffee, I started brainstorming, and when I was thinking about it, I got no robust response for my own questions. I just couldn’t explain. That day I decided to work on myself. Till today if I feel low, when I think I can’t, I just have a small chit chat with myself. I create my own doubts, and I try to find my own answers. My brain totally calls me a loser most of the time for all the negative thoughts I fill it with.

But then my heart comes into the picture and makes me realise that there is only one “Jyotsna Thakur” born in this world and you are unique, you must be flawed but that what’s makes you a human. A flawlessly flawed human and that’s what matters.

So whenever you have doubts or low on confidence, cry, shout and take it all out. But do ask yourself these questions. You will get your answers. Don’t thrive on being perfect, but just love yourself utterly. Cause when you start loving yourself, you start enjoying everything around, and if you love everything about, it makes you happy, and if you are happy, you are confident and if you’re sure everything becomes easy, the failures, the achievements, the misses, the disses.

Just remember you are unique and there is only one you!

 

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