Signs you’re in a Toxic Relationship!

Let’s talk about something really common yet something we all make ourselves a part of it knowingly or unknowingly. Toxic relationships. What’s a toxic relationship and how do you recognize it? Cause at some point in our lives we all went through it and if I am writing about this topic then lemme tell you girl, I have been in one.

To be honest, no matter how easy it seems to be talking about it right now however when you are in one relationship like that you don’t even realize it. So here I come up with my guide to figure out if you’re in a toxic relationship and how to get out of it.

1. Understanding what is a “TOXIC RELATIONSHIP”

As the word define itself “Toxic” is poisonous. Now you’ll say that in your mind, “Ahhh!! I know the fucking meaning of it woman!!!” But what I wanna convey here is no matter how well we know the meaning in the dictionary sometimes understanding real shit, it takes time brother! Being in a toxic relationship will seem like you being in a perfect relationship from the outside but it breaks you from inside brick by brick. Something that makes you more aggravated than happy & content. So ask that question to yourself, “Are you REALLY happy in that relationship?”

2. The Red Flags!

Well, as they say to solve a problem you gotta know the problem. So in this point one will discover what exactly this fuss is about. Now we gonna talk about some of the red flags that you can use to recognize the misery you are in.

Every discussion turns out in a big fat fight. Well, it’s just not about fights its more about being so mean to each other that there is no reason but still you’re fighting.
You start humiliating each other infront of your close ones. Now this is not cool but we tend to do such things, as humans our rage emotion tends to fired up.
You start finding faults in each other’s existence. To be honest, it’s more like a fault in our stars. Ahh, jus kidding!
Both the partners starts lying about their whereabouts. Well honestly I personally hate this to the core. Say the fucking truth, I don’t understand this shit. Yes!! it will hurt but at least I wont be more hurt when I’ll know the truth. #smh
You start discussing your problems with others and not with your partner. What can be more harmful then this. As it’s a relationship not a party, that others gets the tea in between.
Physical & verbal abuse. My mum taught this when we were young. Taking or giving back the abuse to the abuser or the victim is not cool at all. The relationship gets over the day you start abusing each other in any form. I mean c’mon how can you abuse someone if you love them. That’s an absolute blunder.

3) Recognizing the signs, still can’t get out of the vicious circle.

Honestly, somewhere we all understand the basics of a broken relationship but we can’t get out of it. It happens, it took me years to understand how toxic we became for each other before taking the step to move on with our own soul journeys. But hey, you gotta take that step otherwise you’ll be stuck there forever and it will break you to the core. Not only you’ll start questioning this divine feeling of love but also the intention of any other human that’ll genuinely care for you. But my friend you gotta break the chain.

4) The Talk.

Now this is the most hardest part, cause you don’t wanna hurt the person you spent your years with. That one person who was there in your ups and downs. I get it! I get it! but it gotta end my friend. Otherwise you’ll make it so dirty that in future all you’ll be left with is the toxicity generated in your heart and soul. Sit with your partner and talk to them. Communicate your inner self infornt of them. No matter how hard it seems but trust the process. Remember that this is the same person with whom you discussed the world with. Don’t underestimate the power of confrontation.

5) The Breakthrough

So my friend if you reached to this point that means you are on the right path but let me warn you after all this chaos the real shit begins. A toxic relationship leaves you with this emptiness that will pinch you again to get back with the same person as you’re used to abuse. You gonna miss them, you’ll feel like talking to them and sort it out. Cause hey! It’s love at the end. That person mattered to you once and who’s prepared for this. However, this is the real test that you gotta go through. The real test to respect yourself enough to not go back in the same viscous cycle. There will be days when you’ll be extremely happy that you’re out of it, and there will be days when you wanna run back to the same person cause they felt familiar. Listen, if you cross this stage you’ll be much more happier in your life. Just trust the process mate!!

6) HEALING

Healing, as the name sounds so healing, it’s not at all. It feels like you’re burnt down to the core and you gotta rise back again like a phoenix. Unlearn everything and learn everything again. Facing all your daemons and punching them right in the face. Give time to yourself, meet yourself again. Find your hobbies, confined in your friends. Go out my friend you’re single again!!! HUNT!!!

7) Never stop believing in love!

Love is the most happening thing that Universe could bless us with. Surely it hurts, but the right one will come and give you exactly what you need. You don’t have to beg or explain love to this person. They’ll show you what it means.

Anybody can be toxic in a relationship that doesn’t mean that person is bad. It’s just the circumstances that makes it worst for us. Remember it takes two hands to clap. Don’t be a dickhead and just blame and shame your partner. Instead just forgive. Forgive them, forgive yourself and move on with your life. We all are toxic in someone’s story. Just like god is right now in this Corona times. People who are losing loved ones are cursing god and people are getting saved they are full of gratitude. So don’t be afraid to accept the reality and move the fuck off in your life!!

If this helped you! Don’t forget to share your stories with me.

Till than Happy Healing!!!

Girl with the broken smile!

“Broken soul with a brightest smile,

Tears roll down when she thinks about them.

Didn’t you tell her, it was forever.

Or that forever meant till she interests you.

They say you lied, when she cried she didn’t lie.

Men see her with lust, women gave the shade.

Did your man tell, it was him who stared at her bust, first.

The love she lost, the pride that mattered,

It all got shattered in a day.

She smiled and asked why it happened to her.

The universe smiled and gave her the strength.

You my darling, I gave you all the pain cause you could hide.

It took courage to smile when the heart was broken.”

When they say a woman can make a house or break it. We all believe in it. Well, we all have been believing it all our lives. Why not because it’s the woman who starts the world and end it if needed.

Woman, a beautiful creature made by God to be the creator and the destroyer if needed.

Her beautiful smile hides the pain. A pain to be pinned down as weak and fragile. The delicate smile, the curve of her lips lighten up the whole world when she smiles.

When she was first told she couldn’t go out when she wanted to. The admirable curves on her body became her curse.

At the age of sixteen she saw her self in the mirror her bosoms blossomed like a flower blossoming in the springs. She smiled and blushed to see her own beauty. She didn’t know soon it’ll be objectified, her beauty will become her own enemy.

There she was unknown to her own power, the power of beauty and innocence. But the world saw just a piece of meat to be eaten raw. The eyes that scanned her upside down, made her question more and more.

Be more covered, stay home, look down while walking, be quite even if it killed you inside. She didn’t know why she had to pay the price. Was it because she was a woman or world had evil in their eyes.

All my life I had one question, is it my fault that I am a woman?

Don’t I have a right to be the authentic me. Or is it your shortcomings that you hiding behind me. My smile doesn’t mean I want to be in your arms. My heart aches when I see all I have become is human with no feels.

As I grow and grow old the fascination will die. There will be a new face that you’ll admire. The things that were attractive, will turn irrational. My tears will soon become a burden.

One day will come when nobody will care about me, I’ll be more of a chapter that was left unread in between. My broken smile will be all, left with me.

My pain will become my constant and the lost stories will be the story of my life!

Things I learnt in a month!

I always believe that you go to the places where the Universe takes you. The things and the lessons that are already written under your destiny file. Nothing happens for no reason, and without reason, you do nothing! I’ve been going to this fantastic place called “Wework” in Gurgaon for a month and so now. Met so many different people, different talents, different mindsets. I mean you name it, and you will get that energy wandering here and there, somewhere. But one thing is for sure it’s full of positive and magnificent people.

People with the same interests, people with something new to teach, something to share always and always ready to help. In a comfortable and trendy term “Networking”. It’s a fantastic place to do networking with like-minded people. People who are passionate about their passions, always ready to collaborate. It’s like if you have one thing in mind and wanna talk about it, you get the right amount of people to talk about it.

Coming here changed a lot of things in me and not only adapted, I learnt a lot of things. You can change thoughts, people, feelings but learning is something that keeps you going. Its a food for your soul. Just the way you came in this world without any information and knowing what the divine is putting you into. Similarly, it’s kinda been my experience here.

A young guy can tell you so much about life and explain to you something that you think is such a big problem, but for him, he laughs and just say it without any intention of healing you. But isn’t the same way, the Universe put things in front of us. Once things get done, we start to manifest what we were looking for.

Similarly, my journey here has made me realise so many things that I wouldn’t have thought that I’ll be learning. The motivation to get up every day and come to this place to do things that you wanna do. The things that keep you going. It’s like a bright shining light coming towards you to make it happen.

Motivation

Motivation on a gloomy day to wake up little early than the previous day. Motivation to write what you love. Motivation to put your next step towards your goal as everybody is motivating you to get forward with you or without you. Telling you your strengths and area which requires your attention. Smoking sessions with masala tea in hand, talking about life to utter nonsense. Everybody just forgets their worries and keep moving towards their goals, which they might just have set an hour ago. This freshness and candidness keep me motivated to move forward and gives me hope that in the end it’ll be done.

Inspiration

This world is made of things that you can get inspired off. Inspiration is a feeling that keeps us moving. Every corner of this place is full of inspiration, a person sitting next to you might own up a successful business, but you would not know until you talk. The people around are so down to earth that it inspires me to be like this. From a person cleaning the place to the people owning this place, everybody works with a smile on their faces. People with startups hustling and bustling are working in front of you. If you see something is getting created, you wanna know more about it and there the inspiration starts kicking off.

Gratitude

In this fast-moving and changing world of the new era, people often forget to pay their gratitude towards things that are due. But here people show gratitude towards the things you do. I am not saying that we should do things to get appreciation, but it’s the last thing that one can give to anybody. For example, Yoda! Yoda was a small pug that the community manager had to pet for his friend for a month and so, got so famous and everybody loved him. A dog show was organised just for him. A small thank you and goodbye to that cute little fur ball of energy. I mean when you see a small pug wanking his tail all around in the office, corridors you forget everything else and start playing with him. He made so many people smile, and people showed their gratitude towards him. Not only everybody was happy for him that he is going home, but it also made everybody sad that HE IS GOING HOME!

Confidence

I lack confidence, and I admit it, it is not visible on the exterior, but it definitely is there. Talking to new people by just out of nowhere was never my cup of tea. As inside my heart, I deal with the fear of rejection. Whether the other person will connect with my vibe or not. Whether they will understand where I am coming from. This fear often represents me as a shallow and rude personality. I’ve dealt with this pre-conceived notion since childhood. However, being here has boosted my confidence in a different manner. I meanwhile writing this blog only I made two new friends across the desk, I mean that’s what I like to believe. We talked about my blog, my work, their work, life, books, motivation, depression, any possible topic that I would not talk about in my first conversation. But hey, that’s how you understand that you connect with people. Right!

By the way, I got the motivation for writing this blog today because of the conversation that we had today with my new friends!

Positivity

After my college getting finished up in June, I had no idea what I am gonna do next. I mean the same dilemma that you get after you complete your studies. You know what you want! But you don’t know how to achieve it or how to move towards your goal and that extra energy that you have in your heart to conquer the world while studying starts giving you anxiety. The power that you can not channelise properly start taking a toll on you, leaving you with full of negativity. Meeting people here learning about their strains, their achievements sparks positivity in me too. The pavement towards my goal has started to be paving, leaving me positive about it. Sadly I won’t be continuing here from next month, but yeah that’s for a better future, eh!

I wanna write so much, I wanna talk so much about this place, but I don’t think that my words would be enough. On that note, I would end this blog talking about my experience at WeWork. A place I would always cherish in my life, a small part of my life journey but leaving a significant imprint on my heart.

Till then keep hustling and juggling guys! Life is all about it!

The Pride!

June is the month all about “PRIDE“! Pride of being who you are, the pride of celebrating yourself, the pride of being open about your sexuality. For people who aren’t aware or updated about it, let me give you a brief definition of this “PRIDE.”

So the month of June was chosen for LGBTQ Pride Month to commemorate the Stonewall riots, which occurred at the end of June 1969 at the Stonewall Inn in the Greenwich Village neighbourhood of Manhattan, New York City. At the Stonewall violent demonstrations by members of the gay community against a police raid that began in the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, As a result, many pride events are held during this month to recognise the impact LGBTQ people have had in the world.

LGBTQ stands for Lesbain, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender & Queer! Basically, the sexualities that have been put down or not recognised in our world of heterosexuality (People attractive towards the opposite genders sexually). I mean c’mon lets be real guys till today there are homophobic people (a person who takes pride in showing their negativity towards other sexualities).

So today an exciting thing happened at the place where I am working these days, WeWork, it’s a co-working office space where you can rent hotdesks or offices for yourself. They conducted a pride fun session at our office, and all the 400-500 people working there were invited to join in the session. Alas, only 15-20 people showed up, and most of them would categorise themselves as Hetros. But who am I to classify them?

Though I would say the energy in that conference room was just not positive and but also very accepting. The Spokes were friendly and informative about everything we asked. The stupid ass questions, the weirdness, the lack of information it was a mix of all these emotions and awkwardness.

However, as soon as the session got more and more involved, I could feel how it’s not their fault that they don’t know about it. As nobody ever educated us about it, but thanks to the Internet, now we are more aware or at least know a little about this terminology. They read us poems that they wrote and poured their hearts in front of us. Sitting there, I realised how in our society one person can celebrate their sensuality being straight, and for others, it becomes a misery.

What is sexuality in the first place, it’s a sexual feeling one can’t control, or I would say should not be controlled too. Just how you see a hot chick or a guy at a bar and can’t control your horniness. But it’s okay if you are a girl and does that to a guy and vice versa. However, if the same thing any gay or lesbian does, you get offended. I mean I literally sometimes question the stigmas and social standards that we put ourselves in.

LGBTQ community is also made of human beings just like heterosexuals are, at the end of the day. Then why do they have to ask for acceptance, “ACCEPTANCE”(a general agreement of someone else’s perception of how things are than how you would like it to be according to your little knowledge about things!) this word only sounds so negative any which way! Why they have to be ashamed of it, why do they have to have the permission to be who they are? Do you know how many young people fall into the trap of social norms and get into the depression and some never come out of the closet just because there are people out there who are not only ignorant but also just insensitive?

All I wanna say is break this mental block and accept the people for who they are, not for what their sexuality is! That’s the last thing anyone should be concerned about. Yes, due to the generation gap and little less knowledge, people tend to miss out the point. Maybe you are not aware but educate yourself. At least Google is free for that matter!

If you are a parent reading this blog, I urge you to learn more about it. It’s not a disease or a phase that’ll pass with time. If you don’t understand it, it’s okay. But all I can say rather than pushing your child into the spot, give them the love and understanding that they deserve. All a child need is the support of the family.

And the so-called”educated homophobic” people out there. Don’t be so hateful, we all are humans and each human being alive on this earth have a right to love whomsoever of they want to be. Sometimes people miss out the fundamental part of respecting other people. Don’t shy to talk about it in public. Don’t panic if somebody of your own sex finds you hot, I mean what can be more fantastic that your own gender finding you hot. Maybe you are hot, be happy about the attention and if you don’t like it, just be polite and move on! Don’t act like a weird ass!

On a happy note, I would end my blog that meeting Gurnoor, Taksh and Vikram were terrific. How they shared their experiences and life’s little moments with us was fantastic. Got to know about a lot of things but understood only one thing “Love is love!” Be kind and respectful to each other!

F435D25C-6FE9-4F43-95F4-D70664F59572 — We stand together! #pride

Flawlessly Flawed.

So I am the second child out of my parents four diamonds they gave birth to. LOL.

Well, that’s what I would like to believe too, though mum would totally differ to me on this one. Anyway, mum’s not on the digital world, so I got saved for that matter. I was always a child who was still under the shadow of my pretty and all-rounder elder sister. My dad loves my elder sister more than his life. In school she was famous, and when I said she was outstanding, I mean it.

She was an athlete and always won medals for it. She participated in sports, dance, music, the debates you name it, and she was there not only engaging, but she nailed those competitions always. On the other hand me, the lazy bum, who hated studying, couldn’t play a sport as I hated losing, and I always used to lose only. I was an average student, with a speech problem, with which I still struggle. It’s not major neither I ever got it checked by a specialist, but I am aware of the flaw.

Till today I practice a sentence in my head before I could say it at a prominent place. My friends say they love my confidence but it didn’t come overnight. I had my own struggles with myself. Sometimes it was about weight, sometimes height, sometimes speech, occasionally the cut marks on the left hand, so on and so forth.

But one thing that always surprised me was the friends and the people around how they saw me. People didn’t see or emphasised on the flaws that I could see in me. They saw a confident girl, but I saw a flawed one. Being overweight always made me anxious about my appearance, but I got praised for rocking a dress which people think “the overweight” people should avoid.

I still remember the day when I was standing in front of the mirror crying, hitting my stomach and saying all the nasty stuff to myself. That night I cried and cried as if somebody died. But the next morning, I woke up and saw myself again in the mirror with my swelled eyes and asked myself a few questions.

“Why you think you cannot?”

“If you don’t love yourself, why do you think others would?”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Why you being so negative about yourself?”

I sat down in my room sipping on my coffee, I started brainstorming, and when I was thinking about it, I got no robust response for my own questions. I just couldn’t explain. That day I decided to work on myself. Till today if I feel low, when I think I can’t, I just have a small chit chat with myself. I create my own doubts, and I try to find my own answers. My brain totally calls me a loser most of the time for all the negative thoughts I fill it with.

But then my heart comes into the picture and makes me realise that there is only one “Jyotsna Thakur” born in this world and you are unique, you must be flawed but that what’s makes you a human. A flawlessly flawed human and that’s what matters.

So whenever you have doubts or low on confidence, cry, shout and take it all out. But do ask yourself these questions. You will get your answers. Don’t thrive on being perfect, but just love yourself utterly. Cause when you start loving yourself, you start enjoying everything around, and if you love everything about, it makes you happy, and if you are happy, you are confident and if you’re sure everything becomes easy, the failures, the achievements, the misses, the disses.

Just remember you are unique and there is only one you!

Is self-stimulation a stigma?

I started working just after I did my 12th in the year 2010. In school, I had very few friends. When I started working, I met amazing people, but most of them were male so very few girlfriends in life. But in the last 10 months of my life, I met 30 odd amazing women in my life. So technically this is the first time I saw so many personalities of women, and honestly, it’s crazy and one of the most fun experience in my life.

This slot has women of all the ages from teenagers to 30 plus strong independent women. Being with so many women, it brought my different personality out too. Me being dirty mind, I always cracked my double meaning jokes and burst into my creepy laughs. Haha.

I love them all, but with all of it, it brings a lot of inside information too. By that means talking about biological and sexual stuff. So if you are shy or if you’re sensitive to this sexual topic then kindly stop reading this up. Cuz I got some crazy shit to discuss and, i.e.,

Masturbation.” the stimulation or manipulation of one’s own genitals, especially to orgasm; sexual self-gratification.” Thank you dictionary.com for the definition.

One beautiful day we were sitting at one of the friend’s home and discussing sex. Well most of us know that it is not a big deal in a man’s life but did you know few women still don’t touch themselves. Well, maybe few are shy, perhaps some don’t share maybe some don’t like it but isn’t it essential to explore your own body before anybody else can.

God has made a woman with all his imagination and love, that she has been blessed with curves that can drive anybody crazy. Beautiful bosoms to be played with. Skin soft as roses, a sweet spot and a power to ejaculate multiple times. Then why not understanding your own body.

Self-stimulation is still a stigma in our society, especially in women. It’s not because we don’t want it, its because we never been taught about it. The only biology that we studied was the female organ in the 10th standard. Nobody ever tried to understand the importance of human sexual anatomy. Which is why the ratio of physical dissatisfaction is higher in women than men.

Masturbation has always been looked upon with lots of negative thoughts, there are lots of myths that have been attached to it. You can clear some of the doubts by reading this informative article By Hannah Nichols.

Finding your own sweet spots will definitely help you and your partner to enjoy more. Don’t be shy to explore the magic that’s in you. But remember girls, eating sugar in excess gives diabetes too. Till then be fun and stay happy!

What’s your religion- Indian!

Sitting in front of the idiot box (television, that’s what I call it) having a conversation with my father over the current situation of our country’s religious feuds, I realized one thing. His views were very typical being a Hindu (in India) about how things should be different according to religions which can be seen in recent debates between our older generations. They apparently happen to be our MLAs, Ministers or any current political figures in recent times (Mostly, though it is changing with time).

However as a millennial I see lot of changes and up gradation in the thoughts of my generation’s people. When I meet new people what’s their background, where they belong to, what’s their religion doesn’t matter to me. But it does bother our older generation in a way. When my father says he doesn’t want to eat the meat which has been butchered by some other religion’s person, it disheartens me.

When he supports our religion over other’s it does hurt; it’s not that he disrespects any religion, it just he finds his better which I figure they were taught when they were young. I don’t blame him or his thinking and values but I do question them. By the way we do get into debates which later turns into a fight and I get left furious and my father laughs it off.

I am not here to put their view point down, but all I want is to upgrade their thinking. India is a beautiful country with a fusion of multi-cultures. We are a proud nation of diversity. Then why not the older generation understands it. Why everybody wants to divide the nations on the basis of religion and castes. Why are we creating fuss and slaughtering each other in name of religion? The older generation needs to understand that we all are equals now. We don’t need this.

We don’t want Ram Mandir over Babri-Masjid instead make the temple next to the mosque, so that we both pray together. Our freedom fighters died for a free independent India where everybody lived peacefully. Don’t create a line within us let us live with the peace that we want. The last thing any Indian would want in their lives would be hatred for one another.

We have better concerns to get worried about pollution, population, poverty, crimes and the list goes on. The last thing in my day to day schedule would be to read about the unacceptable speeches or comments that our politicians makes to provoke on the basis of religions and castes. All I want to say that this will not stop the evolution of thoughts regarding the equality that has been in us. All I can remember all these years is “Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Isai apas mein sab bhai bhai” (Hindu, Muslims, Sikhs, Christians we all are together). Jai Hind!